Netflix-Where Good Intentions go to Die.

I am one of those people who works 8 hours a day comes home puts on sweat pants have the intentions to wash dishes, do laundry, or straighten up the house; and then I see the T.v. and then I lay down turn on that T.v. and watch Netflix, knowing full well that it looks like W.W. 3 has erupted in my house. I have hope and dreams of cleaning and then Netflix

I think if we set aside a certain amount of time to clean and watch Netflix I believe things will be better.  For Jon and I we have been doing a load of laundry washing a batch of dishes and straighten up the house watch an hour of Netflix usually Grey's Anatomy for about an hour, scripture and prayer and then we talk till we both are asleep.  For us this helps break the cycle of binge watching several hours of Netflix or Xbox.  

Idaho weather has very interesting the last couple of months but I believe that spring is finally here and I have been looking around when I am driving and I am like when did they put in that bench or when did they add in this store or when did this house burn to the ground.  I have become so absent minded due to spending too much time with my phone, watching Netflix, 

Heavenly father put us here on earth to take care of it and to not be idle, (this means being lazy).  I don't like being lazy because when I am moving around doing stuff it is so much harder because I am not active like I should be and I feel very fat and sluggish, even though I am only 120 pounds and 5 foot 5.  I hate this feeling!  That is why people fail to work out because they have been cherishing the good life of Netflix Cheetos,soda, and bonbons, and when they work out they can't breath their muscils are soar and they are like this is not worth it.  

Since Jon is a fire fighter he has be active in order to be able to carry people from a building on fire, and he has been going to these training and when he gets home he is drenched in sweat, and then for weeks he wants to work out because he feels weak, and then he works out and it gets to hard, he is soar for days, he is cranky because he hurts but wants to work out, because he hurts he wants to lay down and then he sees the t.v. and then he turns it on turns on Netflix and then bing watches what ever show he wants to watch.  

This is what the cycle looks like:

I am not against Netflix when you are done with doing stuff with your family, church, work, etc.  It is a great way to relax and enjoy your favorite show, but we need some self control as to how much we watch or play.  

Anxiety... It is a Big Deal

Have you ever blown up a balloon and you feel like hey that that is good enough and then somebody tells you need to fill it up some more.  You fill it up knowing that if you blow it up some more that balloon is going to burst, so you prepare for that scare that you are going to get when it does burst the fear rises and then the person tells you to stop you feel relief and then they tell you to blow it up some more so the the fear jumps and rises and then it burst.

This is how anxiety feels.  You can feel fearful , sad ,lonely, hateful.  You will probably cry, you might even lash out at everyone and everything that you care about.  You can take medication for it but it can make it worse or make you sleepy and when you fall asleep the anxiety will still be there when you wake up.

  

I deal with anxiety, I have my whole life.  Anxiety of failing a test, anxiety of losing my parents, anxiety of not being good enough, anxiety of not being able to understand things. I use to take medication for my depression because my anxiety got so bad that I ended thinking it would all go away if I just end it all.  Then one night something tragic happened to my family, and I thought to myself what type of roll model am I setting for my sisters.  I don't want them to see what I have to go through and think oh well if she can do that then why can't I do that?
I started to meditate but that didn't help much, I went to counseling, yeah it helped with some of the issues I have but it did not stop all the other anxiety that I felt that would come out of the blue.  What did help was music and doing something with my hands.  I play the piano, I crochet, I am constantly doing something with my hands even if it is just twirling my thumbs.  I started to blog to help with my grief but I have found that it helps with my anxiety.  
There are so many people out there who are diagnosed every day with anxiety that they will shrug it off and think "Oh I can manage that with just a nap or it does not exist"  It does exist, it is scary, and it is very hard to manage, but with will power, the right influence you can over come your anxiety.
We cam on this earth knowing the hardship we would face but I believe we didn't know the feeling of these hardships, but I also believe that not knowing the feeling of the hardships, we would not turn to our Heavenly father and ask for his help.  If we just ask for his help we can become stronger in him and in faith

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It is Always Negative

Before Jon and I were married we talked about starting a family and how many children we want. When we did get married I was deep down hoping for a honeymoon baby but alas the test was negative and for months I would take a test hoping for that second little line but that has never been the case, it is always negative.  With the two pregnancy's that I did not know about, I did not even take a test.

Jon has told me over and over that my worth as a women is not based on being able to have children or to be an excellent homemaker.  My worth is that Heavenly Father created me, that he loves me for who I am.  My worth is the love that I have for others that he has shown me.  To have Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, choice and accountability, Good works, Integrity and Virtue.  This is the Young Women Theme.

Women and young women today have very little confidence in themselves and they don't believe that their worth is nothing, I believe that if they had these values in their life that things would be so much better for them to give them the chance in life to do better than what the world is telling them.  The world is telling them that you are no good because you don't look like this or that, or that you are not good enough, or that if your not a parent then you are useless or if you do have children that you shouldn't be because you need to work to make this world better.  for what I have to say to all of this NO you stop listening to the world, and you do what makes you happy, for heavenly father create you to come to this world and to be happy.  

Psalms 37:4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you desires of your heart.  

#myl.d.s.lifeaftergettingmarried

#BEHAPPY

#Youngwomentheme

#Justbeyou

My Weekend at Time Out For Women in Idaho Falls, Idaho

This weekend has been a very spiritual weekend as I was given the opportunity to go to Time Out For Women in Idaho Falls.  For those of you who have never gone, I would encourage you to go as it is the best thing ever for women to just sit back enjoy music and a spiritually uplifting message.

Here is the crew that was able to go to Time Out For women with me.  The lady clear in the back photo bombed us but she is pretty cool.  In our group we ha two sets of Stephanies and the lady made three Stephanies' 

Friday night we were given the opportunity to hear from City Of Enoch, a band that their CD will be released in April of 2017.  The introduced the speakers for that night.  There was John Bytheway, Tamu Smith and Zandra Vranes.  We first listened to John Bytheway.  He is a spiritual comedian, with a spiritual message.  He first gave us an analogy of when you go into a jewelry store how all the diamonds are on a black background to give off the illusion that they will shine brighter.  

In a dark world of sin and turmoil, we need to shine and stand strong in the gospel.  To be a better example to those around us.  A quote he said," When moral is so dark and we don't follow the world, we will shine against the dark morals."  So what can we do to shine?  We need to step it up.  Women need a time out.  when we are in Time out we need to stop, take a breath, get some instruction, and we need to do better.
when he was done City of Enoch came on the stage and sang Trust In You with the message of;  When we feel like our prayers are not being answered Heavenly Father knows us by letting us try and eventually he has answered them.  (The Link is not them singing as the CD is not out yet but this is the original artist)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv-SXz_exKE

They had us close our eyes and imagine what our heavenly thinks when we are praying to our savior as they sing He Hears Me.  This is what I wrote down.  Heavenly Father knows when my heart is breaking from the sorrows of the trials that I have accepted in the pre-existence that has my faith shaken and the tears won't stop and I feel like there is no hope He Hears Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9to-HWK1Ms

Saturday as we had left to go back home we had all decided to go see the movie the Shack that had come out the night before.  it is not an LDS movie but the author of the movie is an LDS writer. I would encourage everybody to go see it if you are having a hard time finding Heavenly Father in your life and when you feel like he is not ever there.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL0yUbSS5Eg

Christ Lives, I know it I believe it.  He has a plan for us and we will never know that plan in this lifetime but he does not do random.  If we just pray and ponder what he would want us to do he will answer us.  He loves us.

Time Out For Women 2017

So I am very excited for this weekend because I have been given the opportunity to go to Time Out For Women!!!  Two years ago I was given the opportunity to go for my very first time, and I didn't know what to expect going, but I do not regret a thing.  Friday night I got to listen to Mercy River Perform and those three girls are so amazing.  They had us up on our feet enjoying ourselves. For the spirit that I felt when I had listened to them sing I knew that I wanted to (and I have) listen to them all day long, so I purchased their CD that they were selling.   It made me so excited for Saturday and Saturday was just as much as exciting as I have ever hoped for. there were so many great speakers but there was one that stood out to me and I wish I knew who the speaker was but her story went like this.  She had met her returned missionary and they got married and they were going to school at the time and right after they got married they ended up getting pregnant with her son, and shortly after that her and her husband both decided to wait a while to have children.  When they both agreed when they wanted to go for another child she had planned that by the end of that month she would plan on getting pregnant give birth during the summer break of school and then she can have time with her child however one month passed and then three months passed and then after a year of trying for a baby she finally became pregnant and her plan was back on schedule, and then three months latter she had lost that baby. Heavenly father is in charge of our plan we are not.  We can plan things but things sometimes don't go as planned.  I had planned a Christmas party for some friends and family and everything had gone to plan.  the house was cleaned the food was out, i had on my ugly Christmas Sweater and I was getting some dice for a game and I knew that there were some in a box of games and i was trying to balance myself with holding the box trying to get some dice and bam i drop the box and all the pieces had fallen onto the floor the couch everywhere.  yes it was just pieces but there was glass everywhere because it was my husbands game of Axis and Allies and if you all know how to play he included nuclear weapons and since there is no pieces like that he used broken light bulbs.  so there is glass everywhere, and the party was just about to start in the next five minutes.
Things happen no matter what you have planned for.  Heavenly father is in charge it might stink at first but we don't know the bigger picture and after a while knowing that one event that at the time was horrible there was a reason why.