So I feel like I need to share this because there is not a whole lot of people that will openly talk about it and I feel like it gets swept under the carpet and us women will bury our emotions deep down inside us and so I want to share my story in hope that I can have other people relate to what I am going through or what you guys are going through.
November of 2015 I woke up one morning and new I was expecting. I was throwing up all morning long and then I felt better and then i would try and eat something and throw it back up again. I was going to go to work and then after work I was going to pick up a pregnancy test but I new deep down that I was. Jon came home from work for lunch and I was headed out the door. In our drive way we have these logs that divide our lawn from the drive way and I thought I had passed over them to get to the car but i tripped over it and fell twisting my ankle. Jon didn't see what had happened but i was crying and he herd me crying so he went outside and picked me up and took me into the house. My foot hurt so bad but by laying there I was feeling pressure and pain in my lower back. i could barley move. Jon gave me so Ibuprofen to hopefully take some of the pain away but it was getting worse so he took me to the E.R. They needed to get some X-rays done and they did some blood work to see if I was pregnant and it came back negative. I new I was going through a miscarriage. When the Dr. got back my X-rays they told me I comprsed my spine and sprained my ankle. i was still in a lot of pain but we were released to go home.
When we finally got home I new what I had to do and what was happening. Jon helped me to the bathroom and then the phone rang and he went to go answer it and while he was on the phone I had the baby. Jon still didn't know that I was pregnant or anything and I feel so bad that I didn't tell him. I went and played down and cried myself to sleep for a little bit, but jon woke me up because the sister missionaries were coming over and my parents were coming over along with one of my brother in laws to give me a blessing of healing. after everybody left we were finally able relax a little bit i was laying on the couch and jon was headed to our room. I didn't want him to be in our bed alone but it was his choice but after five minutes of being inner room he came out with a blanket and pillow and he crashed on the floor for the night.
I had every opportunity to tell Jon what had happened but I couldn't find the words or the timing or anything in between to tell him that we had lost a baby.
Three weeks ago I was talking to one of my cousins who is expecting her first one and seeing some of my friends and family member who are not married and having children have really bothered me a lot because Jon and I have worked so hard to have a child and then losing one it opens up old wounds but I couldn't share it with Jon, Just that fact that we can't get pregnant. Anyway as I was saying about talking to my cousin I told her about having a miscarriage and so on and so forth. I had to go to work that day and so when I came home home my sister was over and was having out with us. Jon was reading our phone and he was like "Why didn't you tell me?" I was confused at what he was talking about and so he showed me and I started to cry and I told him that I thought you would be mad and there was a lot going on and I just never found the right time and that I didn't want him to find out like that. He gave me a hug and we both cried together and he told me " that gives me hope to have a family." My sister was confused so we told her what was going on and she was like you need to tell mom. my mom came to pick my sister up the next day and my sister telling me in front of our mom that I needed to tell her. I didn't say a word and didn't even look at her. later that night my mom was texting me and telling me that when she got home she knew that a little baby boy was sent home to heaven.
I was able to go to the temple the other day and when I was in the celestial room I was given the words that Julian Reed will be just fine and that he is so proud to have been able to come to earth and have two amazing parents and that one day I will be able to raise him.
I know that God lives. I know he has a plan for everything. I know that this life is going to be a challenge and a trial of our faith to prove our heavenly father that we trust in him in all things, so that one day we will be able to make it back into out loving Heavenly Fathers arms. I know that one day I will be able to see my children on the other side and the ones I didn't raise here on earth I will be given the chance to raise in Heaven. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that he cares for me. I know it I live it I believe in it.
I have come to terms that one day I will be able to have a baby and raise it here on earth and that they will know of their brother who is waiting for us. The world is a harsh world and you will see friends and relatives who are expecting their babies but don't give up. Be happy for them and know that your beautiful creation will be waiting for you to raise them.
Mom and dad are excited to meet you Julian Reed Hunt and we love you, but for right now you get your siblings ready to come to earth. We miss you sweet little boy.
11-17-2014,
